Coaching history teaches us that a solid majority of people who seek out coaching for any area of personal growth will ultimately fail to achieve anything significant from the guidance they receive. It’s not because they leave too soon for the results to appear; the same phenomenon exists among those that stay for an extended period. What then?
The first concern of most people is finding the “right” coach—one that knows their shit and gets results for their clients. Wrong concern. Coaching is never a guaranteed proposition, and even the best coaches alive are never 100% successful. There’s something else going on in this equation. The greatest variable in the success of any coaching is not the coach, it’s the client.
The major obstacle to growth among the group that fails to have any breakthroughs is that they walked in the door with pre-existing beliefs about what should happen in their coaching, and about the very nature of what’s possible for them, and those beliefs clashed with what actually produces the results they came in for.
Wherever there’s coaching, there are uncoachables. It’s a state that will result in clients failing to realize significant shifts in their understanding, whether the focus is health, fitness, success, confidence, money, relationships…whatever, a major obstacle to the very solutions they seek is an unwillingness to surrender pre-existing beliefs on the subject—even beliefs that are keeping the client from the very things that they say they want in their life.
Surrendering a belief may be one of the toughest assignments any of us ever get. Beliefs can run very deep; so deep you may be tempted to assume that it is who you are, not what you believe, and therefore unchangeable. But, in fact, you had to change to adopt the belief in the first place. It’s certainly within your power to reverse that process.
Surrendering beliefs is necessary in every realm of personal development. These are realms in which there has always been a lot of opinion, a lot of (mis)information, and a lot of agendas—some financial—getting passed around as “truth”; some of it sounding very much like it could be true, or (better yet) like you had always wished was true (that makes them extra ripe for adoption). When there’s money to be made the ‘truth quotient’ is mostly determined by the quality of the marketing, not the quality of the information. Interestingly, a bunch of it is actually contradictory, yet all of it will get adopted as “truth”… by somebody. Notions about money, success, and relationships are rife with beliefs that leave us stuck in our thinking, and stuck in our results.
For a coach in any realm, many clients will have already made up their minds about what is “true for them”. And they may act out of their beliefs instead of the coach’s input. When forced to face the facts of their limited results, clients will often find something else to blame other than their beliefs, having failed to connect the dots between belief and result.
So, how coachable are you? Is your life living up to your ideal vision for yourself? If not, are you willing to surrender beliefs in return for results? Don’t answer until you’ve identified a belief that you hold dear, and have actually acted in opposition to it. Like I mentioned, it can be a tough assignment.
Here’s are some common beliefs that we all have to surrender eventually: the belief that people will like you more if you do what they want rather than doing and getting what you want? Or, the belief that you will reach your goals by just working harder. These are concepts that nearly every child is taught at some point by well-meaning (hopefully) role models. Surrendering them, or any belief, requires a paradigm shift in your view of the world and how it works.
Whether or not these are your truths, I can tell you for certain that whatever is limiting your fulfillment of life—however it shows up for you—there is a simple misunderstanding behind it: something you thought was true but isn’t. And certainly there’s more than one.
Here’s a simple approach: rather than mentally grinding away on your myriad beliefs, just surrender them all. Watch what happens to your results. Congratulations, you’ve just joined the ranks of the “coachable”. Now watch what happens to your results. Being coachable will open up your life in new ways—even when you don’t have a coach. In fact, being coachable allows you to become the person you were meant to be and to realize the only truth is that there is no ‘truth’.